As things start to get even crazier, my anxiety is getting even higher. As of today in the United States, we are expecting to be put into a mandatory quarantine for an unforeseen amount of time. All unessential businesses have been shut down including restaurants, bars, gyms, etc. Only the fortunate are able to self quarantine because there has yet to be any help from our government to help the people who can’t afford or are unable to stay home. I am among one of those people who are unable to stay home from work because I have to earn as much money as I can before we are inevitably all stuck inside our homes.
The disruptions caused by the pandemic spread to all corners of society as schools closed nationwide and the federal government recommended against gatherings with more than 10 people. At a meeting with his coronavirus task force, Trump said in response to a question that the economy “may be” headed into a recession.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2020/03/16/congress-fiscal-coronavirus/
Since I’m in college, my classes will most likely become online only for the rest of the spring semester. I also work for a school system that I am still required to show up to where I am surrounded by people who either had enough money to travel for spring break, or are over the age of 50. This is one of the reasons I am throwing myself into a panic. My parents are turning 60 years old this year and all I can think about is if I will infect my parents with the virus and we won’t have enough money to cover treatment if it’s needed. I’m having an internal struggle with trying to be the responsible daughter by going to work and earning for my parents but also trying to be responsible by staying home and healthy.
In the midst of this at the time optional but probably required soon quarantine, I am determined to not let myself get deep into my depression. I want to make the most out of this time and get rid of this constant worry that I can’t seem to shake right now. My mood has been nothing but anxiety ridden and mood swings galore. My first day of voluntary quarantine, I spent in bed reading articles about the pandemic with short naps in between. Thoughts of tears have happened but none have emerged yet… stay tuned for that though! It doesn’t help that I just got back from a weekend long trip with my best friends and am also experiencing feelings of extreme loneliness and sometimes my crazy mind convinces me no one wants to be with me and my friends are staying away from me on purpose. I know, crazy right?
The moral of this blog post is that I have to find things to distract me so I don’t completely spiral out of control. This post is going to be something I come back to during this time to remind myself the things I find fun and want to get done. This list is subject to change but as of now these are just some things I know will make me happy. Some of these things also might seem very minimal but for me and my mental state, these are really big steps to take.
- Catch up on podcasts (currently listening to podcasts made in December 2019, so ideally would like to catch up to the current ones of March 2020.)
- Clean my room (and keep it clean, at least during quarantine)
- Workout everyday
- Eat 3 meals everyday (plus snacks)
- Start consistently journaling my positives of the day and blog posts
- Start a new hobby
- Experiment with cooking and start baking more
This list might be easy for me or it might be super challenging but the only way for me to find out is the apply myself. I want to become a better me and this is the perfect opportunity to try.
aesthetic anxiety 